Insanity
by MoonDream6
Summary: A series of vignettes. All about Hiei, and the things he hates and learns about through Human World. Sims, and Bathtime...? Sounds like trouble. HieixAri. My OC
1. Chapter 1 Hiei Meets The Sims

Hello, people! This is my new fic, sorta like a Hiei reality series... Basically, Hiei is introduced to some interesting things and ideas, and he starts experimenting. My character Ari is in here too, and her friends, so... I hope you enjoy. If you do, tell me in a review. If you didn't like it, tell me in a review. Why did you/or didn't you like it would be great.

AM

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Ari was sitting at her computer, looking completely bored. Hiei came up behind her, peering curiously at the screen. "...Hn."

"Sims." Ari said, bored. Click.

"Stupid ningen games." Hiei prodded her. "I'm bored. Entertain me."

"I'm bored too." Ari sighed. "Wanna try playing?" She turned to face Hiei, who blinked at her.

"I don't want to play stupid ningen games..." Hiei growled at her.

"Just try." Ari stood up, and made Hiei sit in her chair. She gave him a basic tutorial, and built him a Sim.

"It's ugly..." Hiei remarked to her. "Can I kill it?"

Ari nodded. "You can." She explained two ways to do that. Starvation, and burning.

Hiei frowned. He started playing. And he got addicted.

Ari came in a few hours later, and heard Hiei yell, "DAMN RABBITS! You'll destroy my plot for the LAST time! YOU'LL BURN!" She peered at the screen, curiously. He'd trapped the rabbit in a walled enclosure, and made his sim grill until the space caught fire.

Ari blinked. "Hiei? How many Sims have you killed so far?"

"12." Hiei said, not taking his eyes off the screen. "And 5 dogs, and 13 of those stupid cats all over the place."

"You KILLED my strays? My stray cats and dogs?" Ari blinked.

"Yeah." Hiei nodded. "WHAT THE F-? How DARE you flirt with my sim? You slut! DIE!" Hiei took the door off the room, and Ari sweatdropped.

"Hiei? Maybe you should take a break from the Sims..." Ari suggested, cautiously.

"No. How else can you kill them?" He asked her, finally looking at her.

"Drowning..." Ari blinked. "Build a pool, and get rid of the ladder..."

"YES! But not as much fun as burning." Hiei said, turning back to the game.

Ari walked away. She shuddered slightly. So much simulated death. Shortly after, Kurama came by to watch Hiei play.

"Sims?" Kurama asked. Hiei nodded.

"Lots of simdeath?"

"I don't know. But I do know I'm about to roast their asses." Hiei remarked, and the grill that was inside the house lit fire. The sims gathered around it screaming. He smirked. "The only way to throw a house party."

Kurama laughed. "I like to throw a big party, invite the whole neighborhood, and then burn them. Then you can start over with the stuff still inside the sim houses."

"I don't care about the stuff." Hiei said. "Damn, I'm out of money for more cabinets to burn."

"Go to a different house." Kurama suggested.

Hiei nodded. "Alright."

Ari contacted Kurama at the end of the night. "Hiei's starting to scare me. He's killed 30 sims today, and he won't talk to me..."

Kurama frowned. "He's just having fun. It's not like he can kill real people."

Ari nodded. "Right."

The next day, Hiei came storming into the kitchen, mad as a hornet.

"What's wrong, Hiei?" Ari asked.

"Stupid ningen game..." He growled. "My sim died! For no damn reason! I'm done playing that worthless ningen crap!" And then he stormed out. Ari let out a sigh.

"Lesson? Never let Hiei play games where you can kill people with no consequences." Ari sighed.


	2. Chapter 2 Hiei and Bathtime

Hiei came flying into the living room, a black and white streak. Trying to stop, he went skidding across the carpet. He wasn't wearing his cloak, or his belts. Everyone looked up at him. He flung the window open, and flitted outside, and off into the nearest tree. "I wasn't here!" He growled.

Ari came racing into the living room, just minutes after Hiei. "WHICH WAY'D HE GO?" She screamed, looking around, threateningly.

Everyone blinked. Her friends were all gathered in the living room, staring at her. There was Pan, Ashley, Nikoru, Arjei... Kurama was... or HAD been reading a magazine, but now he watched interestedly.

"Hiei took off that way..." Pan grinned, pointing out a window by the front door. She didn't know what it was about, but it seemed like it could be fun. "He's hiding in that tree."

Hiei jumped out of the tree and took off, knowing he'd been told on.

"What'd he do...?" Ashley frowned, turning to get a good look at Ari.

"Thanks! Bye!" Ari started to take off for the door.

"Wait!" Chetara yelled, jumping up. Ari skidded to a stop.

"Can't, he'll get away!" Ari whined, jumping around.

"Why's he running off?" Arjei asked, confused.

"Bathtime!" Ari said, and raced out the door.

"This is going to be great!" Nikoru grinned.

The girls started to laugh. Yes. Bathtime. They'd forgotten it was Friday. This was the funniest time of the week. If they hurried, they could JUST trail behind Ari...

"Come on!" Pan jumped up. "After them!" They all chased after, wanting to see this.

Hiei REALLY hated bathday. Everytime it rolled around, he stayed suspicious of Ari, and watched her closely. Most times he'd keep his distance. She usually managed to trick him, or use brute force to get him into the bathtub with water running. More often than not, she'd do it with his clothes ON.

This particular time, she'd said nothing about it, and instead started kissing him, and trying to seduce him just outside of the bathroom door. Then she sneakily moved him inside, and had gotten him half undressed before he noticed the tub was full, and remembered it was Friday. And then he was off like a shot. And Ari was after him. It's kinda sad when you have to seduce your boyfriend in order to get him to bathe.

Ari was running after him, "Which way did he go?" She growled to herself. "There!" She saw a black shadow in a tree. When he saw her seeing him, he took off, treehopping away from here. Ari chased after him, "You're not getting away!"

"Watch me!" He called back, turning his head to check how far away she was... In doing so, he tripped on a branch, and toppled to the ground. Ari went to pounce on him, but he was up and running as she jumped.

"Oof!" Ari slammed onto the ground, then jumped up and after him.

The girls were dying of laughter in the background. They ran after them, not wanting to miss this. A few of them fell behind to catch their breath from so much laughing.

Ari chased Hiei all over the town. About 45 minutes later, Hiei stopped, thinking he'd lost her. He grinned, and looked down at the mud puddle in front of him.

"I won." He sounded relieved. "... Now I just have to be careful when I get back..." He made a face.

Ari leapt out of a bush. Hiei turned, hearing it rustle, and Ari slammed into him, knocking him directly into... yup. The mud puddle. They were both completely covered in mud from tip to toe.

"GREAT!" Ari yelled, splashing a huge glob of mud into Hiei's face in rage. "I JUST took MY bath..."

They heard laughter and looked up. The girls were in hysterics, all but crying from laughing so hard.

Hiei splashed more mud on Ari, and then thought better of it. Then, he flung mud at one of them. He hit Ashley directly in the face.

"PLEH!" Ashley spit out the mud that had gotten into her mouth. Ari grinned. She slung more mud, hitting Nikoru.

"Hey!" Nikoru covered her face with her arm. "Stop!"

Chetara started backing away. She got far enough away to be safe.

"If you hit me...!" Pan warned. Hiei did. Soon it was a mudslinging contest, and everyone was completely covered, except Chetara who was smart enough to back away.

"Uh..." Kurama said, for lack of words when the group returned.

"Bathtime..." Ari said, weakly.

"I can tell..." Kurama blinked. "You guys certainly need one..."

"Kurama... shut up." Hiei glowered. "Let's just get this stupid thing over with..."

Ari grinned. "It only took you 45 minutes, and a huge puddle of mud to decide to take a bath."

"You pushed me into it." Hiei complained.

"You ran from me." Ari accused.

"You tricked me." Hiei growled.

Ari frowned. She did, she admitted. "I'm going to take a shower. And I'm going first." She said, finally.

"What am I supposed to do, stand around like a mud monster until you get done?" Hiei growled.

Ari looked thoughtful. "We could shower together."

Hiei blinked, then frowned, then looked thoughtful too. A moment passed, and finally Hiei nodded, "I like that idea." They headed upstairs, and everyone did a sweatdrop.

"All that work... I think Ari's found a new way of getting Hiei into the bathtub." Nikoru laughed, with a small sweatdrop.

RJ rubbed her head. "All of that, the months of fighting, the tons of mud... and all it took was that?"

"You would think ARI would have thought of that sooner." Pan sighed, wiping mud off her eyebrows.

"Like months ago." Ashley laughed.

Chetara frowned. "I'm surprised she didn't. She's tried everything else..."

The group laughed at the Ari bashing.

"It's almost too bad the friday night show is over..." Ashley sighed. The group thought a minute, and then sighed too. That was a fun weekly event lost. "At least Ari's done struggling with him."

Everyone nodded, then headed off to take their showers and baths.


	3. Chapter 3 MSN?

Hiei was sitting at Ari's computer, going through her stuff. "Who the hell's Kaiba?" He glowered at him. "I see lots of use of the word smexy here."

He deleted her Kaiba pictures, and kept looking around in her stuff. "Hm. Your mom..." He clicked it up. "Woah. Your mom's like a buffet. 3.00 and it's all you can eat. Why the hell does she have this crap?" He deleted her Your Mom jokes. "Pictures of me?" Then, he smirked, and moved on. There was a little string of icons at the corner near numbers. There were two little green men and a red circle with X on it. With a frown, he tried to delete it too. It said, "Sign in as With a frown, he clicked it. The people spun around, and then one of them disappeared.

A box popped up in the corner. 'You have 11 messages'. Hiei blinked at it. Then another one stacked on top of it.

'R.J) Angel's Tears says:

HI! '

Hiei clicked it, suspiciously. It popped up as a box in the middle of the screen.

'Ash says:

Hello:D '

Hiei saw a flashing icon in a white box. He hit a letter on the keyboard and it typed it.

' nicole --- nikoru Servant of Foamy™ "Burn the father, drown the son, starve the wife!!! What the- Oh, Sims!" says:

Sup? ;) '

Hiei typed back, "nothing"

"Having fun with Hiei:D" Ashley asked.

"I bet she is." Kissa typed out.

Hiei blinked. WTF? "what" He typed back.

"She's joking with you, Ari." R.J typed.

Hiei blinked.

"SEX!" Nikoru typed.

"ANAL!" Ashley typed back.

"LEMONS!" R.J yelled.

"lemon?" Hiei typed, confused.

"Whipped cream!" Kissa typed out.

There was a pause from the chatroom.

"Ari?" Ashley typed.

"hiei" He typed back.

"Oh!" Ashley typed back. "Sorry! I thought this was Ari. - -''. "

"Hahaha." Kissa laughed.

"Sorry, Hiei." Nikoru typed out.

"Sex?" Hiei typed out. "you guys talk about that on here?"

"LOL!" Ashley typed.

"All the time. Usually leads to insanity, and then catnip." Nikoru typed.

"The discussion about lemons." Kissa typed. "Then"

"whats a lemon" Hiei typed back.

"Type of story." Ashley covered.

Ari came up behind Hiei. "What are you doing?" She asked. She saw the convo. "Oh. Geez." She laughed. "How bad's it been?"

"What's a lemon?" Hiei asked her. Ari sweatdropped.


	4. Chapter 4 Lemons

Hiei was bored, once again messing with Ari's computer. He did this alot, even though he often regretted the doing. Getting into her email that he'd been warned specifically by Ari not to get into, he found a link in one of her emails from a site called, " on it, he waited for it to load. Ari had something called, 'dialup', and appearently it was slow. Then again, everything was slow in human world...It popped up and he started to read.

"What the...HELL?" Hiei growled, jumping up. He went and got Ari, dragging her back to the computer. "What is THIS???"

Ari frowned, leaning over to look. "Um. Oh. Heh. You got into my email?" Ari winced. "At least they updated it..." She laughed.

"Me and the fox??? What the hell??" Hiei growled, pointing hysterically at the screen. "How could you read this crap?!?!"

"Meet the 'lemon'..." Ari winced, sitting up.

"THIS is a lemon?" Hiei growled, fists clenched.

"Yaoi lemon..." Ari winced.

"Yaoi?" Hiei asked.

"Gay." Ari laughed, nervously.

"OBVIOUSLY! IT'S ME AND KURAMA!!!" Hiei yelled, angrily. "You will stop reading this crap, and I mean it!" Hiei growled.

"But...but that's my favorite fic!" Ari gasped.

"Not anymore!" Hiei growled. "Or I'll melt the damn computer, and we'll see how much of this crap you'll read then."

Ari winced hard. "Ok, ok, I'll stop reading HxK lemons... I promise!"

"How many have you read?" Hiei asked, suspiciously.

"Ummm..." Ari rocked back and forth. "Good question..."

Hiei sweatdropped. "You read THAT many??"

Ari winced. "Some of them have good plots... And they're funny..."

"I bet..." Hiei growled at the text onscreen. "I'll kill this damn human! Where does he live!?!?"

Ari laughed. Hiei glared at her. "What's so funny?!?"  
"You..." Ari cracked up. "It's the internet, Hiei. You'll never find him. Or her."

Hiei glared at it.

"You can't blow up the computer." Ari got serious. "Please."

Hiei glared at her. "...No more 'lemons'."

"Fine! No more." Ari clicked it off. "Ever."

Kurama walked in, "Hey, Ari, Hi-"

Hiei flitted out of the room.

"...What's wrong with Hiei?" Kurama frowned. Ari waited until Hiei was long gone before she started to laugh.


End file.
